Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tang Pau's LiveJournal:

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Friday, April 24th, 2009
11:50 pm	We go through strange rituals to prove things to ourselves in life Do What Thou Wilt, Shall be the Whole of the Law "All text not in quotes are in fact quotes from the people right now that are changing my life for the better and helping me on  the way to achieving my Will, which I believe is the ONLY goal a Magickian. I hope the following text will assist the Sacred readers understand magick and the Path of Will with more clarity. I offer only one clue to the Profane; as it is said in The Book of the Law "Let there be no difference made among you between any one thing & any other thing; for therby there cometh hurt." Liber AL, Chapter 1, Verse 22" Vagabonding--n. (1) The act of leaving behind the orderly world to travel independently for an extended period of time. (2) A privately meaningful manner of travel that emphasizes creativity, adventure, awareness, simplicity, discovery, independence, realism, self-reliance, and the growth of the spirit. (3) A deliberate way of living that makes freedom to travel possible. In this way, I guess, I could say that my mission is part of a greater struggle for individuality in the information age --an attempt to live outside the realm of who I'm suppose to be. As a Vagabond, you begin to face your fears now and then instead of sidestepping them in the name of convenience. You build an attitude that makes life more rewarding, which in turn makes it easier to keep doing it. It's called positive feedback, and it works. I don't want to hurry it. That itself is a poisonous twentieth-century attitude. When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it and want to get on to other things. Bear in mind that the special advantage of vagabonding is the experience of not really knowing what happens next, which you can obtain at bargain rates in all cases... The challenges you face offer no alternative but to cope with them. And in doing that, your life is being fully lived. Only by going alone in silence, without baggage, can one truly get into the heart of the wilderness. All other travel is mere dust and hotels and baggage and chatter. The use of travelling is to regulate imagination by reality, and instead of thinking how things may be, to see them as they really are. The "danger" of vagabonding resides in having your eyes opened--in discovering the world as it really is. "I end this page of wisdom with a quote from one of the true masters, Bruce Lee." Research your own experiences for the truth... Absorb what is useful... Add what is specifically your own... The creating individual is more than any style or system. Love is the Law, Love Under Will Current Mood: peaceful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 18th, 2009
12:58 am	"Wisdom is Revealed Through Action, Not Talk" "Don't declare yourself to be a wise person or discuss your spiritual aspirations with people who won't appreciate them. Show your character and your commitment to personal nobility through your actions."    - Epictetus The Art of Living "It's much better to die of hunger unhindered by greif and fear than to live affluently beset with worry, dread, suspicion, and unchecked desire."    -More Epictetus Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Somafm.com (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 16th, 2009
8:13 pm	Name for Will-Bashers I know it has been forever since I posted here. It has been a hell of a year. Spent time in St. Louis, Chicago, New Orleans, and Florida. Now back in Fayetteville staying with T-Dawg; who is being an outstanding host. I will post more soon about trip or maybe you all will have to wait for the book to be published. The reason I post now is I have a question for all my wise and clever Brother and Sisters; What do you call people who are against you doing your Will because it mirrors thier inability to do their own Will? Any ideas? Do you understand the kind of people I am talking about?  (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 25th, 2008
12:32 pm	After my first week of travel Well it has been an interesting week so far. I like St. Louis, it is weird actually being in a big city. The whole town is divided into little neighborhoods, and I like the one I am in now. There is a pretty cool coffee shop very close (less than a block) and I am a 15 minute walk away from a big street, with all kinds of stuff on it, huge international food market , lots of good restaurants, a good used book store, and another great coffee shop.  I have been spending my time writing mainly which is what I wanted to do. Working on a longish essay on Thelemic Prayer and  working on a Daily Prayer book, also been doing pranayama daily. I always find books pertaining to what I am doing at the time in used book stores. It is the effect of a Book Servitor I fired years ago. I started doing serious pranayama work and find a great book called "The Science of Breath" it is one of the classics and worth picking up if one is at all interested in the subject. Also found a couple of books on Monasticism and Christian Mysticism. There is a Catholic church near by also that does the Traditional Latin Mass which I am planning on going to tomorrow. Well enough for now I will post more in a couple of days. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 10th, 2008
11:25 am	"So much things too say." 93, I have been involved in heavy research in trying to figure out exactly what I want to do as practice while I am traveling. So this is what I have at the moment:  Prayer (some sort of intro. Prayer here)  Asana for 10 minutes centering myself before Pranayama for 20 minutes Followed by more Prayer and maybe a Divination of some sort after wards. One idea I also had was to do the divination before hand, and use this as a meditation during the yoga and use it later as a guide for Raja yoga practice at a later date. I intend to do this four times a day, but will be happy with myself if I can do it twice. Once in the morning and once at night. I have no idea what to expect really. After 53 days of Astarte to Shiva, my life changed in very noticeable and amazing ways and this pilgrimage is but an extension of that ritual, so I am excited about the results of this. I intend to do this work daily for 3 months. Feedback anyone, any interesting results from Pranayama work, b/c that is really the focus if this work. I will be following the plan in The Shiva Samhita, with ideas also taken from the writing of Crowley and the writings of Fr. Arbahadabra 11 Tons more to say but that will have to wait. Now I must breathe. Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Gnostic Mass, Horus Oasis Recording (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
7:06 pm	"Do the Work we need to do first" The above was the first line I read today when I opened a random book on Ancient Desert Wisdom. It made me think about my Pilgrimage. The Desert Fathers (Abbas) and Desert Mothers (Ammas) were the early 4th century Christians who left society  to go into the Desert to find God in their own way. This way speaks to me in a lot of ways and I spent today reading some of their material and trying to figure out how it works into  my  system of thought. Following the example of the first hermit, Anthony of Egypt, it is common in a  pilgrim's journey to take the first dramatic step: To leave the city or town and go out into the "desert" that surrounds him. I feel I am almost ready to take this step, I also think the universe is seeing to it that I take this step sooner than I had planned.  "For later Christians who followed them into the "wilderness", either in fact or in spirit, they have shown the way to the very heart of discipleship and demonstrated that to embrace the desire to find God also requires that we find ourselves." - Crossing the Desert by: Robert J. Wicks (C.D.) This brings up thoughts in me as a magickian; I have studied Abramelin at length and Crowley's version of HGA ritual and they all speak of going into the "Wilderness" or "desert" and the above line sheds light on this, it is easier in modern day to go to the desert "in spirit". "These fourth-century pilgrims were a fascinating unusual, and loose community of people who sought "simply" to be themselves and not fall prey to the culture of greed, power, and preoccupation with one's image and achievements. They know about the illusion of control and that security based on anything less than trust in God was pure folly. They also fully understood and deeply embraced the belief that when we add the humility of the desert (what we might call "ordinariness" today) to sound practical knowledge, the result can be true wisdom." -C.D. I find most of these passages speaking to me directly. I am substituting The Holy Guardian Angel instead of God, in all places. If taken in this light the Desert Fathers were after the same thing we all as magickians seek; Unity with the Divine through Knowledge and Conversation with your Holy Guardian Angel. So at this point I could see that this book was speaking to me about my pilgrimage but so far I had not got any practical advise on what to do to achieve these results, so I read on. I next read this story: "A young man came to see an Abba to speak about how to meditate and live a simple, reflective life. But rather than being humble, open, tentative, and patient, he excitedly started to speak about things he hadn't either tried or experienced himself.    In response, the old man looked at him gently and said in a clear level voice: "You have not found a boat, put what you own into it, or pushed off from the shore, but you seem to have already arrived at the town on the opposite bank? Well, do the work you need to do first. Then, you will come to the point you are speaking about to me now."  So after thinking about the story the Desert Ammas and Abbas of the 4th century saw the worry, tensions, pride, greed, fear and a desire for power and fame filled much of the world, and even the church. This lead them to embrace a spirit of letting go. It moved them to ask some form of these questions: What am I filled with now that is holding me back?  What Prevents me from Letting go?  How do I empty myself? Once I am empty what do I fill myself with?  Now the book had a chapter on each of these questions and I took a bunch of notes on these things, but I think I will leave you with this right now and tomorrow post my thoughts on these questions and also my intended practice while I am on my pilgrimage. I leave you this evening with one more quote from a book by Thomas Merton; who I think should be a Thelemic Saint, "Happiness consist in finding out precisely what the 'one thing necessary' may be in our lives, and gladly relinquishing all the rest. For then, by a divine paradox, we find that everything else is given to us, together with the one thing we need." -No Man is an Island Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: "Gnostic Mass" by: Horus Oasis (Comment on this)
Monday, October 6th, 2008
10:11 pm	I am feeling pretty good about stuff in general right now, I do think that I do need to leave here. I feel like I know these large chunks of my Will and I know there is no way I can achieve those things while I am here so I KNOW I must run away from here to get the training I need, and yes before you ask I am scared of all of this right now, but I must also have COURAGE to endure this quest till the end, and yes there is a end of the Quest in my mind and this weekend's Mass helped focus me to that point, now I know what I need to do, I have had a glimpse of my True WILL. So now I have the power to DARE to begin a true Pilgrimage in my life and become perhaps the first Thelemic Pilgrim! Now I am posting this here but in the future I will update where I am at and also try and keep up with my results and techniques of practice. I am changing those from time to time and I may post some of them. More to be revealed in my next post. I will explain to everyone what I will be attempting to do on this Pilgrimage for those that will listen. So until next time I will KEEP SILENT! Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: "Blind" by The Talking Heads (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
12:37 am	In a Galaxy far far away... Hello all, 93! It has been a long long time ago in a a Galaxy far far away since I posted in here last and a few... hundred... things have happened since then. I will speed through the past years and then catch you all up in more present things. I moved to Eureka Springs, got a job in a magic shop and was a magician for years. I meet someone who I thought was the love of my life but I was wrong as my Dad's friend Lauren said "Never fall in love with a jazz singer you are just asking to get your heart broke." I wish she would have told me this before I feel in love with one... and she broke my heart. I also meet brotherjubelo a fellow Brother on the Thelemite and also on the writer path. We have had so many adventures it is not in my power to recreate them here, but if anyone has any questions I would be happy to attempt such a feat. Also last November I finally finished my first novel; it is a Lovecraftian novel set in Eureka Springs, which if you have spent any real time there you would know that it's about the most Lovecraftian place around here. Now days though I am entering a new phase in my life. This began really in May when I moved back to Fayetteville and am now living at Chi-Ro House, which is the house of  enohae, I am most thankful for this opportunity because I have learned so much more here than I thought possible. I began Liber Astare practice to the Great Lord Shiva soon after my arrival and after completing 53 days of practice I felt as though I was a totally different person. So for months now I have had an empty feeling and did not know what it was till I picked up a book in the living room one day and started reading it. The book was "The Pilgrimage" by: Paulo Coelho.   With that said enter new phase in my life; I have 99% of my possessions stored away in safety and after one more trip to Springfield I will have everything stored where I do not have to worry about it at all. Then I am going to begin my own Pilgrimage. My first thing is to be in Portland on Dec. 13th to get my 4th/P.I. and then I will see what happens. I would like to visit as many O.T.O. bodies as I can. I have 8-9 places so far in various places in the US that I know I can stay right now with out any further research in to the matter and I plan on spending a lot of time on research before leaving I would like to make lose plans for about 20 places to travel before leaving in Dec. I have been living out of a duffel bag for a week or more now. I am considering it practice and it has been a very good experience I am learning a lot about lite living that I am glad I did not wait till the road to learn. Also been Deaconing a lot lately 8 so far not that I am counting... I would like to get 93 under my belt before going any further i.e. Priest, but have to wait for K.E.W. anyhow, so I have sometime to work on it. I would like to Deacon at as many bodies as I can on my pilgrimage. With that in mind I am going to sign off for tonight. If anyone here knows anyone O.T.O. wise I could stay with let me know, b/c I am going to try not to plan too much but knowing where I could go would be nice. I hope to keep posting here some and then using this to post while I am on Pilgrimage... So much more to catch everyone up on, but if I don't post this now I am not sure if I will anytime soon, so I leave you with a quote to think about till next I post again: "There is a time and place for diversions and amusements, but you should never allow them to override your true purpose...Nothing truely stops you. Nothing truly holds you back. For your own Will is always within your control... Your happiness depends on three things, all of which are within your power: your Will, your ideas concerning the events in which you are involved, and the use you make of your ideas."   -Epictetus (55 to 135 A.D.), The Art of Living Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Miles Davis, "Sketches of Spain" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
5:19 pm	I'm back 93 all, After a long time away I am finally back... In Fayettevile, and on LJ... more to come but wanted to post test I took. <p align="center"><img src="http://www.flarn.com/~warlock/tarot/catpeople/5.jpg"></p> <h2 align="center"><font face="Verdana"><b>You are The Hierophant</b></font></h2> <p align="center"><font face="Verdana">Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching. </font></p> <p align="center"><font face="Verdana">All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.</font></p> <p align="center"><font face="Verdana">The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist. </font></p> <p align="center"><font size="2" face="Verdana"><b>What Tarot Card are You?</b><br><a href="http://www.flarn.com/~warlock/tarot">Take the Test to Find Out.</a></font></p> Current Mood: contemplative (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 9th, 2004
7:44 pm	been a while yet again, damn slacker 93, Sorry I have not posted in a while I have been listening to alot of Jazz and reading alot of Lovecraft and coin magic stuff also. I was working on a post to the coin magic forum and thought I would post my stoned rambling here for all to misunderstand 8-) The reson I like coin magic better than say card magic is that coin work seems more "pure" or "humble" to me I am not sure if those words really describe it but they are close. Money (i.e. coin and bill magic) magic is the best improv form of magic I can think of I am a practicnor of the school of magic known as Jazz Magic. The "guidelines" so to say are this, you pretty much must learn your sleights very well till they become second nature to you so then you can spend all preformance time working on patter, story, presentation, and character. Character is also important I think Jazz Magic is more intiamte and personal than some other forms of close up magic you are getting to know the audiene as you preform with them. People are more amazed with coin magic b/c they people don't expect anything to be possible with a coin except pulling it out from behind there ear. then when they see your first heart stopping trick or perfect sleights with coins it tweaks there paradigm just a little. Which is why I am into magic for really is to shift peoples paradigms. another important thing to remember in Jazz magic is K.I.S.S. this is a fundemental theory to always keep in mind while doing jazz magic never make things to complkicated it will take away from the effect and make you look to good. You don;t want to appear to be a hard core technical sleight of hand magician you want to be a mysterious enimgatic jazz magician. Jazz magic differ from close-up is jazz magic is almost always improvised... you learn all the sleights very well and then you go in armed with those and nohting else but wits. Then you use every resource in your envirnoment to do magic with. When I peform Jazz magic I like to go to a place say a bar and have nothing with me at all so then when ariving I can use the stuff at the bar to do magic with or borrow it from a specator. So everyone has change and/or a bill on them, so if you learn coin sleights and some bill work (my next endevor) then you will always have something to work with. so more later all... Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Charlie Parker "Ken Burns Jazz" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 27th, 2004
12:52 pm	Be a little while 93, Sorry it has been so long I have been busy slacking.... No really I have been reading ALOT Of Lovecraft stuff lately and also working hard on a top secret magick art project. Anyhow jusyt thought I would take this quiz and say high !!! I amNyarlathotep! The 999 forms of Nyarlathotep are a point of meditation for the true initiate. It is through these manifold faces that the secrets of the universe are made known. Called "The Crawling Chaos", Nyarlathotep is the disembodied ego of Azathoth and thus the universal "I" of known reality. Some of the many documented forms are; Father of Knives, Nephren-Ka, the Black Man, the Beast of the Lashing Tongue to name a few. Which Great Old One are you? 93,23/420 Current Mood: amused Current Music: "Edge of the World" -Faith No More (Comment on this)
Friday, August 27th, 2004
7:13 pm	Working alot hey all been a couple days since I posted anything. Been busy here I have to work like 10 days in a row at the shop and it is slow which makes it go by very slow... Been playing alot of RtC:Enemy Territory and trying to get intot a clan: The Funny Farm is the name of the clan. lata... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
9:16 am	Thems Jokes man... hey all last post was me having some fun. 8-) (Comment on this)
Monday, August 23rd, 2004
7:28 pm	Beatles and the Bay Area Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?" San Francisco Liberal and proud, you'll live your lifestyle however you choose in the face of all that would supress you. 93, Thelema Lodge here I come... I think I am going to take Bro. Catfish's advise and pack a backpack and I told my boss I am out and he was cool with it which is good. I have been thinking about this for a while now anyhow and I will take this as evidence of an Omen which accoreding to Stephen Mace in his wonderful book "Sorcery as Virtual Mechanics" which I adviseto everyone to read amazing book. Anyhow Don is out on a date and I am going to pack my bag now and I think I may leave tomorrow. my boss Barry is going to Oregon and he is leaving tomorrow so I think I am going to call him and hitch a ride with him most of the way. Thanks for everything. 93, Kevin ps and the in words of the late great P.T. Barnum "There is a sucker born every minute." Current Mood: amused Current Music: "Got to get you in to my life" Beatles (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 21st, 2004
9:03 pm	Hello all a mind-rattling night that has me still kinda freaked out so I think I am gonna just post this quiz and get off here. Make Your Own Classic Rock Band by ilikenightmares Username: Vocalist: Roger Daltrey Guitarist: Carlos Santana Bassist: John Paul Jones Drummer: Keith Moon Quiz created with MemeGen! (Comment on this)
1:23 am	after test #1 After listening to the whole CD now I have had a few thoughts; the only song that doesn;t fit is the Zeppelin song actually. I was curious if anyone had any thoughts on what this song should be. I am open to any ideas... Please try and give me an idea of whyyou picked the song also. If you all could do this for me it would help so much. Thanks, K. Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: "I'm Only Sleeping" -The Beatles (Comment on this)
12:17 am	Feed your Head !! 93, Ok after a night of work on kazaaa and various burning and ripping software I have the track list done and am listening to it in cd order making sure I like it. I wnated the first song to set the mood/theme for the rest of the CD of course song 5 and 7 have to be good, and also you have to start with a good song, but end with a better one. so here is the track list : Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers "Last Dance with Mary Jane" Jefferson Airplane "White Rabbit" The Beatles "Tomorrow Never Knows" Bob Marley "Natural Mystic" Pink Floyd "Confortable Numb" Grateful Dead "Touch of Grey" The Flying Burrito Brothers "Christine's Tune (Devil is Disguise) The Rolling Stones "Wild Horses" Cyndi Lauper "Time After Time" Led Zeppelin "Kashmir" John Lennon "Imagine" Ok that is the list 11 songs... The only two I am not 100% sure about is the Cindi Lauper song, but I did want a love song in this cd, but may choice a diff, one if I think of a good one beforeI make cd or anyone has any ideas. also the Dead song I choice I am not sure about I don't think it goes with the rest of the CD, but since I also made myself only pick one song by each band then I was limited to only one. I may change that I will see how it sounds when i get to it. I am trying to stay really good with the transtions between the songs. all my other 4:20 Cds in the past have been random songs to listen to while you are high but this CD has had much more thought put into it then the past ones. K gonna go watch Milkdrop now and listen to the rest of the CD in the dark. Current Mood: determined Current Music: Natural Mystic - Bob Marley (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 20th, 2004
9:02 pm	93, My vacation is over today I worked today; very very slow school started back in alot of places so no kids=no sales. Been donloading songs for about an hour or so now working on a Complitation CD it is looking very good. Later on tonight I will post a Track list to see what everyone thinks about it. Other then that not alot going on here been playing alot of Diablo off and on. My main game I have been playing this week is Half-Life Rally Racing; it is a racing game using the half-life graphics engine, it is alot of fun. Anyhow back to downloading. Current Mood: dead - I had to do it. Current Music: "Wish you Were Here"-Pink Floyd (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
8:35 pm	What Legendary Japanese Monster Are You? by kumauru User Name Element FireWaterEarthWindFogWoodClayMetalVoid Quote You are... Quiz created with MemeGen! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
2:34 pm	all my damn quiz things... I got sucked into one of those LJ quizz sites and took a bunch of them so here they are sorry to make this so long... What Is Your Best Sexual Skill? Name: Age: Sex: MaleFemale Sexuality: StraightGayBisexual Flirting Skill Level - 52% Kissing Skill Level - 24% Cudding Skill Level - 20% Sex Skill Level - 40% Why They Love You You pleasure them first. Why They Hate You You are too sexy. This cool quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 555669 Times. </a> New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz Insanity Test Username Age Your problem is Multiple Personalities Will you ever be cured? (8) - Yes - definitely. - (8) Just how crazy are you? - 62% This QuickKwiz by insanitydefense - Taken 196348 Times. </a> New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz ok that is enough of those... (Comment on this)